Are You Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

Dating in the workplace is fraught with potential problems, not the least of which is a conflict of interest for a superior who has to evaluate an employee but is also dating that person. Can the supervisor rate the employees’ performance objectively? Perhaps so, but the problem is that it may appear objectivity is unlikely, and any rating will be tainted.

The possibility exists that the staff member of lower rank will have their progress in the firm at least temporarily slowed by becoming involved with someone of higher rank. Additionally, the more senior staff member has an ethical dilemma whether to rate the employee fairly and risk backlash if the rating is poor or even charges of sexual harassment.

Workplace Dating Policy

It has been said that the best way to manage a conflict of interest is not to become involved in one in the first place, or at least learn the rules of the road. This is why many companies have a dating policy to clarify the issues and describe the process to be followed by those dating.

A workplace dating policy should provide guidelines for employees engaged in romantic or sexual relationships with colleagues. It should aim to ensure professionalism, prevent conflicts of interest, and maintain a harmonious work environment while respecting individual freedoms and choices.

Resources for Employees is an online service that provides advice on dating policies. It recently surveyed employees on their dating experiences. Before you date a colleague, it’s a good idea to become familiar with their guidance.

Dating Policy to Follow

Before you decide to date a colleague, you should consider any problems or conflicts of interest that may arise. For example, if you’re collaborating with a colleague on an important project, a relationship between the two of you (or a possible breakup) could affect your work. Be sure you’ve thought about all parameters before deciding, not to mention unintended consequences.

Employees should always treat each other with respect and avoid hindering other people’s work. If you want to express your romantic interest in a colleague, don’t do anything that may embarrass or expose them and always respect their time and choices.

If a colleague is persistent in flirting with you and becomes annoying or disturbs your work, ask them to stop and inform your manager [if they continue]. You should report them to HR if they make unwanted sexual advances. Sexual harassment is prohibited, including seemingly harmless actions. For example, an employee who keeps flirting when their colleague doesn’t respond favorably is breaking most sexual harassment policies, which could lead to disciplinary action.

Examples of acceptable behavior are:

• Passing by your partner’s office to talk to them for a brief time
• Discussing your joint vacation plans during breaks
• Coming to and leaving from work together

Examples of unacceptable behavior are:

• Arguing in the workplace
• Kissing or touching inappropriately in front of colleagues or clients
• Exchanging an excessive number of instant messages or calls during working hours
• Boasting about or discussing your relationship in your colleagues’ presence

If your relationship ends, maintain professionalism and ensure you won’t disrupt the workplace. Don’t badmouth your former partner, sabotage their work or reveal any intimate details. All these will likely violate the code of conduct about respect in the workplace and you will face disciplinary action. If your former partner behaves this way, report them to HR and ask them to investigate as soon as possible.

Disciplinary Actions

To avoid accusations of favoritism and abuse of authority, dating team members by superiors or those who report to their team members may face disciplinary action up to and including termination.

• Managers who are from the level of [senior director] and above are also forbidden from dating anyone who is below the same level, even if they’re in another department.
• Managers who are below the level of [senior director] may have a relationship with colleagues from other teams or departments, as long as that person is at the same level or within two levels below them. For example, a [department head] can date a [senior manager] from another department but they can’t date an intern who’s more than two levels below them in rank.

If an employee gets promoted or transferred from another department, they may find themselves managing a colleague they used to date, in which case HR should be informed right away.

Employees Who Are Already Married

The following guidelines address employees who are already married, have a domestic partner or other long-term relationship.

If you’re the hiring manager for your team, you’re not allowed to consider your spouse or partner for hiring. Doing so might raise questions of favoritism in the hiring process. You are allowed to refer your partner to other teams or departments where you don’t have any managerial authority.

If you hire your partner for your team there may be consequences including: 

• One of you should transfer to another team or department. If you choose this option, HR will generally try to ensure that the transfer won’t negatively affect your salary or benefits.

• One of you should quit. This option will be the only solution if a transfer isn’t possible (like in cases where there’s no position relevant to your own in another department). HR won’t have a say in who will eventually quit, make this decision between yourselves. 

Why There Are So Many Romances in the Workplace

Workplace romance statistics show that over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance. The percentages have been increasing in part because in today’s work environment there is little time for outside fraternization, and the ease of using social media to maintain a relationship even at work (which may violate policy).

The reality of workplace romances is that they happen–and while they’re unlikely to be condoned, employers can safeguard their organization and teams through policies and practices.

Key takeaways from studies of employees working for companies show that:

• 57% report workplace relationships have impacted their work performance.
• 43% have married someone they worked with
• 35% don’t report their relationship to their employer.
• 40% have cheated on their current partner with a coworker.
• 50% report flirting with their co-workers.

Survey respondents indicated that the three most common driving forces behind workplace romances are:

• Comfortability
• The lack of time outside work to meet other romantic interests
• The desire for a shared workplace experience

The most important things to keep in mind if you are considering, or engaged in a workplace romance are as follows:

• Workplace romances increase the fear of breaking up by 17%.
• Over 50% say that a workplace romance impacts their sense of individuality.
• Dating colleagues affects work–life balance (54%)
• 52% of people reported that their co-workers treated them differently.
• 40% have cheated on an existing partner with a colleague.
• 43% have married someone they met at work.
• 47% have changed jobs to date a colleague.
• Nearly one-third create a breakup plan when dating a colleague.
• 62% report their relationship to HR.
• Half of the people have engaged in flirtatious behavior with colleagues.
• Less than 1 in 5 say dating a colleague is unprofessional.
• Only 5% said they were comfortable with colleagues being romantically involved.
• 9% of survey takers said they believed that workplace relationships actually increase productivity.
• 14% said it makes them uncomfortable and promotes favoritism.
• Nearly 60% have heard gossip about colleagues in a workplace romance.

Are You in a Workplace Romance?

The majority of workers will find themselves in workplace romances at one time or another. It is inevitable given the nature of workplace dynamics and lack of time and interest in looking for love in all the wrong places.

Be sure to carefully consider what you are getting into before jumping into a relationship you might regret.

Posted by Steven Mintz, aka Ethics Sage, on October 16, 2024. You can sign up for his newsletter and learn more about his activities at: https://www.stevenmintzethics.com/.